Rising Again: Change, Grief, and Healing Toolbox

The work environment is a large part of an individual’s life. The effects of loss and change in the work place can vary but will be determined by many factors including but not limited to: the number of years worked, the nature of the change, the closeness of relationships, the amount of notice for the transition, and other challenges that may be facing the work group and its staff and/or faculty at the time of the change.

The Grieving Process

Grief is a universal, natural, and normal response to significant loss of any kind. It is how we process and heal from an important loss. It can be a painful and tiring experience. Understanding the grieving experience and how best to cope with it can help you recover from grief of any kind.

Stages of Grief

Within the first few weeks to months of a transition, you may find yourself riding on a roller coaster of shifting emotions. Most people go through these stages not in linear steps, but in unpredictable waves—moving from one stage to the next and sometimes shifting back. Some people will experience certain stages but not others. Here are some common, typical grief reactions:

1. Shock and Disbelief – the numbing and disorienting sense that the change has not really happened which can last from several hours to several days.
2. Anger – at the process or others and questioning why this has happened.
3. Guilt –you may blame yourself for not doing or knowing more.
4. Sadness – you may experience a deep sense of loss and find yourself crying.There may be a tendency to withdraw or isolate yourself.You may lose interest in your usual activities or feel helpless or hopeless. Other recent or past losses may come back to you.
5. Fear – there may be anxiety or panic, fears about the future. It may bring up your fears about your own sense of resilience.
6. Acceptance – finally, a stage where you adjust to the loss and move on from it, while continuing to find ways to cope and adjust to the new change in the workplace.

People in grief may experience physical reactions, such as fatigue, sleep disruption, appetite changes, tenseness, and aches and pains. Common psychological symptoms include feeling distracted, forgetful, irritable, disoriented, or confused.

Ways to Cope with the Change

Acknowledge the Loss – It is better to give each other permission to talk about what has happened and its impact than to go on as if nothing had happened. It may be helpful to allow time for staff to talk in a group or individually.

Acknowledge Individual Reactions – When a transition happens each person in the work unit or department may be affected in a very different way. Some are deeply affected by the loss while others may not be as affected.Some people want to talk about their feelings while others want to deal with them in private. It may take some much longer than others to adjust to the change. Be aware of the different ways that people understand and react to change and respect those differences.

Be Kind To Each Other – This is not an easy time for the work group and many adjustments must be made. People may not be at their best. Be accommodating, gentle and understanding with one another during this time.

Self-Care – You may need to give yourself extra amounts of things that nourish and replenish you – rest, relaxation, exercise, diversions. Grief can be emotionally and physically exhausting. Express your thoughts and feelings to trusted people as that can be most helpful. For some it helps to write things down as a means of expression.

Give Yourself and Others Time – In our culture there is a tendency to deny the effects of loss and expect ourselves and others to quickly “get over” a change. Allow yourself and others the time it takes for each individual to process the loss.

Practice Resilience – Begin to think about the process of change as a way to develop strength. Think about, “How can I take action to help myself?”Look at the change in different ways to begin to see the positives. Remind yourself that you can handle challenges and think about how you have overcome challenges in the past. Use your problem-solving skills or ask for help with problem solving. Remember to plan activities that you do have control over to reduce the sense of loss.

Be Resourceful – You may need some professional assistance if you find yourself struggling to function as you would like because of the loss. Perhaps you have suffered other recent losses as well. You can call the Employee Assistance Program for an individual appointment for a free and confidential consultation with a licensed mental health professional. If you care and are concerned about a coworker, remind them about the Employee Assistance Program.

There are things you can do to improve your sleep. Read on to learn some new tricks and tips to help you learn to sleep well.

1. Sleep rituals. Start by creating rituals for sleep that you use every night to prepare yourself for sleep. Remember when you were a child or if you have children and the routine that you use to teach them to prepare to sleep. It is important to give your body cues that it is time to slow down and sleep. Listen to relaxing music, read something calming for 15 minutes, have a cup of caffeine-free tea, practice a relaxation technique. Do the same things every night.
2. Don’t discuss emotional issues right before bedtime. Do not create extra stress right before bed. Difficult discussions are better left for earlier in the evening or another time of day. One of the most common problems with sleep can be shutting off your thoughts about stress in your life. This will take practice to train your brain to start the sleep rituals at the same time every night and focus your brain on the rituals.
3. Do not take naps. This is to make sure that you are tired at bedtime. If you just can’t make it through the day without a nap, make it less than an hour and before 3:00.
4. Get up and go to bed and the same time every day. This is part of your sleep ritual.
5. Refrain from exercise at least 4 hours before bedtime. Regular exercise is important to help you sleep well but the timing of the workout is important. Exercise in the morning or before 6:00pm.
6. Only use your bed for sleep. Refrain from using your bed to watch TV, pay bills, or other work. When your body feels the bed, it knows that it is only associated with sleep. Sex is the only exception.
7. If you can’t fall asleep within 30 minutes, change your location. Go back to your sleep rituals in a different room such as music, reading a book, magazine or the news. Use something that is not visually stimulating. No TV. Do not expose yourself to bright light while you are up. The light cues your brain that it is time to get up. Use low light or night lights in other parts of the house at night.
8. Stay away from caffeine, nicotine and alcohol at least 4-6 hours before bedtime. Caffeine and nicotine are stimulants that interfere with your ability to fall asleep. Coffee, tea, cola, cocoa, chocolate and some prescription and non-prescription drugs contain caffeine. Alcohol may feel like it aids sleep at first but it fragments sleep as your blood alcohol content is decreasing.
9. Eat the right amount of food before bed. If your stomach is too empty or too full it can interfere with sleep.
10. Take a hot bath 90 minutes before bedtime. A hot bath will raise your temperature, but it is the drop in body temperature that may leave you feeling sleepy. A study at Stanford University showed that a drop in body temperature often occurs naturally prior to the time most people start feeling sleepy. (Stanford article: Trouble sleeping? Chill out!)
11. Make sure your bed and bedroom are quiet and comfortable. A hot room can be uncomfortable. A cooler room with enough blankets to stay warm is recommended. If light in the early morning bothers you, make a change to a black out shade or wear a slumber mask. If noise bothers you try a white noise machine or run the fan on your furnace. 
12. Learn a relaxation technique. There are several to choose from but here is a simple one that you can create for yourself. Think of a safe and relaxing place for you. Write a two-page description about this place using all your five senses to describe your experience. Then record what you have written on your smart phone and play it back to yourself every night.

Natural Sleep aids (Always check with your physician before starting any sleep aid)

• Melatonin is a natural hormone that can help to regulate the sleep-wake cycle. Diseases, medications and advancing age can reduce our Melatonin levels.
• Valerian root has been used as a sedative and anti-anxiety treatment. (For more information about the benefits and side effects, Web MD has additional information.)
• Chamomile tea has a calming effect.
• Tryptophan is a substance found in milk, cheese and turkey. That is why some people find that drinking warm milk before bed is helpful.
• Kava can be helpful as a remedy for stress and anxiety
• 5-hydroxytryptophan (5-HTP) is a derivative of the amino acid tryptophan. 5-HTP can help increase the production of serotonin which can then ease symptoms of insomnia.

If you want to discuss your sleep difficulties in further detail, feel free to call and schedule an appointment with Kyla at 472-3107 or email at kgorji2@unl.edu. 

1. Find a quiet place
2. Sit comfortably
3. Breathe in to a count of 4
4. Hold the breath for a count of 7
5. Breathe out to a count of 8, while pursing your lips like you are blowing through a straw
6. Repeat as many times as you can

from Positivepsychology.com

Glimmers are small, fleeting moments of joy, calm, connection, or hope that signal a sense of safety and wellbeing. These micro-moments arise from the activation of the ventral vagal system, a key component of the autonomic nervous system that supports states of health, growth, and restoration. Unlike stress responses that arise from sympathetic activation, glimmers occur when the nervous system perceives cues of safety, allowing for relaxation, connection, and an overall sense of wellbeing. Over time, recognizing and appreciating these moments can contribute to a deeper sense of hope and optimism.

In our busy lives, it’s easy to overlook the small, positive moments in our day-to-day life. This tool is designed to help cultivate hope and positivity by noticing, recording, and reflecting on small, joyful moments, your “glimmers.” These fleeting experiences of joy, calm, or connection can be powerful in shifting your mindset and enhancing your overall wellbeing.

Through simple, structured practice, you’ll learn to set an intention, observe glimmers in your daily life, document them and reflect on patterns over time. By paying attention to these small but meaningful moments, you can cultivate a greater sense of hope, optimism, reduce stress, and build a habit of focusing on the good.

1. Set your intention. I want to notice the good moments in life even when things are difficult.
2. Record your glimmers. Make daily practice of noticing and recording things like smiles, sunshine, holding a door open, an animal in nature, a comment of hello or see you later, a flower blooming, a pleasant smell, watching a pet enjoy a simple pleasure, a compliment, laughter, the first sip of your favorite drink, touching something soft.
3. Reflect on your recorded glimmers by writing on small pieces of paper and placing them in a jar to reread. Savor how they add a positive moment in time to your life.

from Positivepsyphology.com

While grief is a complex and deeply personal process, the benefits of putting grief into words are extensive. For those grieving, it can be difficult to understand and communicate the painful emotions that go hand-in-hand with unspeakable loss. Journaling through grief encourages the exploration of these difficult emotions and provides a space for the individual to clarify and express themselves without inhibition or fear of judgment.

Journaling through grief also allows individuals to take a step back and reflect on experiences from different perspectives. In doing so, over time, an individual can become less focused on the painful events that have been weighing them down. This also allows them to reflect upon their progress.

Before you begin:

1. Pay attention to your breathing and start with a short breathing exercise.
2. Create a safe place that is comfortable and private.
3. Do not censor yourself, take a break if needed.
4. Be kind to yourself.

Use Journal prompts

1. Day one: Your love or feelings continue
2. Day two: It’s ok to be Angry
3. Day three: Eventually I will find a way to heal
4. Day four: Describe your Grief
5. Day five: What is your pain like?
6. Day six: Lost hopes and dreams
7. Day seven: Searching for answers
8. Day eight: I feel like I’m not getting better
9. Day nine: Guilt
10. Day ten: Understanding the value of what I lost

from Positivepsychology.com

When something big in your life changes, it often feels like you lose a piece of yourself. Now that an important piece is missing, it can be difficult to know who you are and what your identity will look like.

Despite the pain of the loss, you are still you, you are still moving forward. You are bigger than the change that is happening.

1. Think about all the factors that shape your identity. What in life matters to you such as education, family, friends, hobbies, spirituality?
2. What makes each area of your life important? What does each area add to your life?
3. What roles do you play? Friend, parent, caregiver, spouse
4. What qualities do you value in yourself in each role?
5. What are your strengths?
6. What parts of yourself do you want to develop further?

Express genuine messages of concern and let employees know their loss is acknowledged today and will be acknowledged over time. 

Check in regularly with empathy to see how employees are doing. 

Openly discuss the redistribution of work, work priorities, and work that can be discontinued or paused because of low staffing.

Acknowledge loss privately with individuals as needed.

Let employees lead conversations about their grief and respect their need for both talking and silence. 

Maintain confidentiality regarding their personal situation and their progress in grieving. 

Offer flexibility by providing the option for more remote work, adjusted hours, or a reduced workload to help them balance their responsibilities. 

Provide educational material on grief and its impact to build a culture of empathy and understanding. 

Promote self-care and available support by providing access to UNL Employee Assistance Program and wellness resources. 

Continue offering flexibility with work arrangements as needed.